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I'm still alive

Posted on .01.21.2008 at 1: 30 am
Current Location: My house
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted
It has been forever since I have posted, but I realise that I have been losing friends so I am updating. I have been on the hardest journey that I could have ever imagined. I left marty in august, and have been on my own since then, I live in a one room efficency, it is rather nice, it includes cable and hbo, ac, and electric and wireless internet for 520/mo. I am afraid that we will outgrow it this year though. Max is amazing, he is walking, saying words, and being just a little shit. I had to stop breastfeeding him a week after I left marty because the milk just dissappeared, I did everything I could to get it back, but I was told that the stress I was under made me dry up. I felt like such a bad mother, but it was out of my control. I did start losing weight shortly after that, so far I have lost 69 pounds. I started going to the gym mid December, and I have never felt better.

I want you all to know that I read lj at least once a week, and still want to be on you're friends list. Please don't delete me, I still care. I'ts just so hard to put down what I'm feeling.

Sorry for the lack of lj cut, I forgot how.






miakimm at 2008-01-20 06:56 (UTC) (Link)
WOW girl you look GREAT!! You honestly look beautiful!! I'm glad that things are working out for you. You are a strong woman and I am very proud of you! Max is still handsome as ever! Does Marty help out at all with Max?

You breastfed Max as long as you could and you did YOUR best, so try not to feel horrible about not b/f'ing. Thats all we can do as mommies is our best, and the amount of time you did b/f him gave him the best start to life!

I enjoyed reading your update and I'm so glad to hear/read from you! As long as you are happy, I am happy! Love ya girl! Give Max kisses for me!
anaiamsohawtana at 2008-01-20 07:07 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much, it really has been the hardest yet most rewarding journey I have ever embarked on. Marty gives me $500 a month towards child support, and he has been seeing Max more often then before, about once a week now. I think after we both cooled down from the breakup, he realised that Max was most important, and is putting in a teensy bit more effort than before. Truthfully, I don't give a damn about him, but whatever, if he's here, then so be it, if not, so be it.He's still drinking and doing drugs and living with his mom. I am starting the process of dating, it's weird, I come at it with a whole different approach then I had previously. I guess that's what being a parent does to ya.

Well, it is realllly late here, and I think I'm going to attempt sleep, I'm so glad to her from you.

zombie8mybrains at 2008-01-20 18:31 (UTC) (Link)
Aw! He's so precious! And growing up TOO quickly!! :)

And you look GREAT! Congrats on all of that. There IS life after hard times!

Too bad you live so far away - we could be workout buddies. :-P
anaiamsohawtana at 2008-01-21 01:55 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, we should hook up when you come down next. I would really like to see you!
zombie8mybrains at 2008-01-21 12:16 (UTC) (Link)
yes, definitely! the last time i was down was only for 1 day so i didn't get to visit with anyone, really. :(
leesahg at 2008-01-20 23:09 (UTC) (Link)
Congratulations on your weight loss! That is amazing!!! What an inspiration. I have started losing weight and I would love to hear your story. You look great :)

max is so big! I don't think I've seen pics since he was about 4 months old!
anaiamsohawtana at 2008-01-21 02:00 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I am so glad that you are losing weight also, it is so hard, but one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. I don't really have a story, just that I was 334 pounds and miserable. I took it really slow, and just started eating less, then went on the southbeach diet, then modified it to my liking. I still eat carbs, but I eat a ton of protein to make up for it. I go to the gym 4-5 times a week, do 20 minutes of cardio and then focus on abs and whatever body part I choose. The biggest change is not eating out and taking all my trigger foods out of my house. I eat a ton of fiber, and drink alot of water. I was a size 32, now I'm a 22, almost able to buy clothes in stores. I can't wait to be able to walk in a store and actually be able to wear the clothes, instead of ordering them online.
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